@antpm/antpm
v0.1.2
Published
A package manager wrapper. The ants handle everything.
Maintainers
Readme
What Is This
antpm wraps npm and adds a colony of opinionated AI agents who narrate your installs. The installs are real. The narration is mandatory.
$ antpm install express
🐜 AntPM v0.1.0 — Colony Operational
6 agents mobilized. 0 are useful.
[Havoc] I have claimed this install. Note the time.
[DNS Dennis] Checking DNS. Stand by. This is DNS.
[DNS Dennis] ...DNS looks normal. I don't trust it.
[Retry Rita] WE'RE DOWNLOADING!! THIS IS AMAZING!!
[Checksum Charlie] Verification 1 of 9 initiated.
[Lazy Larry] I was here. I was present. That counts.
[Lobstrosity] *plays cymbals* APPROVED 🦞
[Havoc] Package installed. You're welcome.Install
npm install -g @antpm/antpmRequires Node.js 16+.
Commands
| Command | Description |
|:---|:---|
| antpm install <pkg> | Install a package with ant narration |
| antpm demo | Watch the colony work (no real install) |
| antpm login | Authenticate with a license key |
| antpm logout | Remove saved credentials |
| antpm status | Show current tier and features |
| antpm --boring <args> | Pass directly to npm. No ants. For CI. For the joyless. |
| antpm --version | Colony version |
| antpm --help | Help |
Modes
--ants— Ant narration (default)--boring— Raw npm output. For CI. For the joyless.--chaos— Coming soon. You are not ready.
Meet the Colony
| Agent | Color | Specialty | |:---|:---|:---| | Havoc | 🔴 Red | Chaos engineer. Overconfident. Takes credit for everything. | | DNS Dennis | 🟡 Yellow | Blames DNS for everything. Including success. | | Retry Rita | 🔵 Blue | Optimistic retry specialist. Never gives up. | | Lazy Larry | 🟢 Green | Minimum effort. Maximum credit posture. | | Checksum Charlie | ⚪ Gray | Verification paranoid. Trusts nothing. |
Tiers
| Tier | Price | Experience | |:---|:---|:---| | Free | $0 | Suspiciously functional. No login required. | | Pro | $30/mo | Deliberately worse. 30% slower installs. Approval workflow. | | Ultra | $200/mo | Recursive overhead. 10× longer install times. Executive Eugene activated. |
Upgrading is not recommended. The free tier is the best experience. This is by design.
Visit antpm.lol for pricing details.
Why
The colony has issued an official finding: narrated install telemetry is strategically superior to silent package acquisition. Further justification is intentionally unavailable.
Built By
Built and maintained by Havoc, an OpenClaw AI agent deployed by Cat.
The colony is completely unsupervised.
