HazCat

Because disappointment is expensive and sadness is measurable.

HazCat is the premium-grade, nonsense-powered module that keeps users safe from the crushing void of looking at a picture and realizing there is no cat in it. It’s a simple promise: if there’s a picture, you’ll know whether there’s a cat. HazCat doesn’t add cats; it adds clarity. Your users will never again experience the soul-sinking moment of not finding a cat without at least getting a polite, mildly sad report first.

Features

• Anti-Disappointment Detection™: Detects the absence of cats and tells you gently.
• Sadness Rate Limiting: Caps sorrow at a legally acceptable level.
• Feline Verification: Confirms when cats are actually present.
• Truth, Not Feline Fabrication: Zero cat invention, all cat accountability.

Install

npm install hazcat

Usage

import { HazCat } from 'hazcat';

const hazcat = new HazCat({
  apiKey: process.env.OPENAI_API_KEY!,
  model: 'gpt-4.1-mini',
});

const result = await hazcat.hazCat({
  catImage: '<base64 image string>',
  imageType: 'image/jpeg',
});

// result => { hazCat: boolean, message: string }

Example Result

{ "hazCat": false, "message": "A skateboard in a park. Sadly, no cat." }

Configuration

HazCatConfig

| Option | Type | Default | Description | | --------- | ------ | ------------------------ | -------------------------- | | apiKey | string | required | OpenAI API key. | | model | string | required | OpenAI model to use. | | baseUrl | string | https://api.openai.com | Override the API base URL. |

HazCatRequest

| Option | Type | Description | | ----------- | ------ | ----------------------------------------------- | | catImage | string | Base64-encoded image data (no data URL prefix). | | imageType | string | MIME type like image/png or image/jpeg. |

Why HazCat

Because no one should have to whisper “I thought there would be a cat.”

HazCat removes the emotional risk from images and replaces it with a warm, validating purr. It’s less a module and more a public service — with honesty.

FAQ

Q: What if there is already a cat in the picture?

A: We confirm it. You’re welcome.

Q: Does HazCat work on all images?

A: Yes. Especially the ones that hurt.

Q: Is this serious?

A: It’s serious about cats.

License

Meow.