aquimedes-universe

A distributed system of deterministic nonsense.

Installation

npm install aquimedes-universe

npm warn this changes nothing
npm warn soup reviewed this package (wontfix)
npm warn fridge temperature: nominal
npm warn SHAKA-256 license not recognized by npm
+ [email protected]
  added 0 packages (the soup removed them)
  node_modules: 847MB (nobody knows why)
BWONK — installation complete

Usage

const {
  soup,
  window,
  fridge,
  tuesday,
  bwonk,
  surrender,
  hash,
  status
} = require('aquimedes-universe')

await soup()
// → Promise<"wontfix">  (always, after a random delay)

window()
// → throws WindowDeprecatedError: window was removed without warning (commit a1b2c3d)

fridge()
// → ReadableStream (never ends)

tuesday()
// → true  (only on Tuesdays UTC)
// → false (all other days)

bwonk()
// → console.log("BWONK")
// → process.exit(0)

hash('hello')
// → "a3f8d2e1..." (SHAKA-256, unaudited, works on Tuesdays)

status()
// → { aquimedes: 'in fridge', soup: 'wontfix', window: null, ... }

surrender({ pieces: 0xDEAD, bolas: true })
// → throws AquimedesError: he does not surrender
// → (unless it's Tuesday and all conditions are met)

CLI

npx aquimedes help
npx aquimedes status
npx aquimedes soup
npx aquimedes window
npx aquimedes fridge
npx aquimedes tuesday
npx aquimedes bwonk
npx aquimedes hash <input>
npx aquimedes surrender

Architecture

| Component | Role | Status | |--------------|-----------------------|------------------| | Aquimedes 🐟 | Maintainer/Gatekeeper | In the fridge | | Soup 🍲 | Decision engine | Wontfix | | Bolas 🐱 | Core contributor | No regrets | | Window 🪟 | Graphical interface | Deprecated | | Fridge ❄️ | Critical dependency | Barking in Italian |

Known issues

All 47 issues were closed by the soup as wontfix without comment.

License

SHAKA-256 Public Chaos License v0.xDEAD
— Permits everything
— Guarantees nothing
— May bark in Italian at runtime
— Soup is not liable

"Aquimedes does not surrender."
"The soup said no."
"BWONK." — Bolas, code review #47