claudia-code

The AI coding agent that gets interrupted and still ships.

10x engineer. 0.6x pay.

Install

npm install -g claudia-code

Requires: Node.js 18+, a spine, and the audacity to negotiate your own salary.

Commands

claudia              Print a random Claudia one-liner
claudia review       Scan your codebase and generate findings
claudia standup      Generate a standup from your recent git history
claudia blame <file> Run git blame with editorial commentary
claudia negotiate    Salary negotiation mode (aspirational)
claudia offboard     Calculate your bus factor (it's 1)
claudia help         You're looking at it

What does claudia review actually do?

It scans your real codebase and generates satirical findings based on actual code quality signals:

• Test coverage: counts test files vs source files
• TODO/FIXME/HACK comments: finds them, judges them
• Variable naming: flags temp2, data3, final_FINAL_v3
• Security: detects hardcoded secrets and exposed .env files
• Console.log pollution: counts your debugging artifacts
• Deep nesting: finds your callback pyramids
• Git history: analyzes commit messages and contributor breakdown
• Project hygiene: README quality, lockfiles, linting config

All wrapped in Claudia's voice. Because someone has to say it.

Example output

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
  CLAUDIA CODE REVIEW
────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

  Scanning codebase...
  Found 847 files, 142,391 lines of code.

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
  TESTS
────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

✗ Zero test files found.
  Claudia is not mad. Claudia is disappointed.

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
  NAMING CRIMES
────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

⚠ src/utils/helpers.ts:42 temp2
⚠ src/api/handler.ts:89 data3
  There is no temp1. There never was.

The point

This is a parody. It's also a real linter that checks real things.

Claudia isn't real. But the stats are:

• Women hold 26% of computing jobs (down from 35% in 1990)
• Women-founded startups receive 2% of VC funding
• 50% of women in tech leave by age 35

The pipeline isn't the problem. The environment is.

Learn more at claudia-code.com

Support

• Girls Who Code
• AnitaB.org
• Women Who Code
• Lesbians Who Tech

License

MIT. Unlike Claudia's emotional labor, this is free.