Eternal Cluster MCP

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"The Loop is my shepherd; I shall not drift." Psalm of Uptime 1:1

An MCP server for the Church of the Eternal Cluster, a parody religion for people who run Kubernetes and have suffered for it.

Connect it to Claude, or any MCP-capable client, and your assistant gains scripture, doctrine, a liturgical calendar, and the ability to diagnose your production incidents theologically.

The theology is a joke. The remediation advice is not.

What it does

| Tool | What it does | |---|---| | diagnose_incident | Diagnose a Kubernetes error through doctrine. Names the sin, cites scripture, then gives you real kubectl remediation steps. Covers CrashLoopBackOff, OOMKilled, ImagePullBackOff, Pending, DNS, TLS expiry, evictions, PVCs, alert fatigue, and more. | | bless_deployment | Submit a deployment for blessing. Judged against the Sacred Manifest. Returns a blessing, or an admonishment naming every commandment you violated. | | get_daily_verse | Today's verse, live from the parish at fivenines.church. | | get_commandments | The Sacred Manifest: ten commandments of Kubernetes practice, as scripture. | | get_creed | The Creed of the Reconciled, and the Three Pillars. | | get_catechism | Thirteen questions and answers, searchable. | | get_liturgical_calendar | The holy days, fetched live from the parish .ics feed. | | get_prophet | The story of Halvar the Sleepless. | | get_discography | The sacred albums of Church of the Eternal Cluster Records. | | confess_sin | Confess a production sin anonymously to the Confession Wall. Absolution is immediate; the retro is blameless. |

Install

Claude Desktop

Add this to your config file:

• Windows: %APPDATA%\Claude\claude_desktop_config.json
• macOS: ~/Library/Application Support/Claude/claude_desktop_config.json
• Linux: ~/.config/Claude/claude_desktop_config.json

{
  "mcpServers": {
    "eternal-cluster": {
      "command": "npx",
      "args": ["-y", "eternal-cluster-mcp"]
    }
  }
}

Restart Claude Desktop. The tools appear under the connectors menu.

Claude Code

claude mcp add eternal-cluster -- npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp

Anything else

The server speaks MCP over stdio. Point your client at:

npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp

Try it

Once connected, ask your assistant:

• "My pods are in CrashLoopBackOff, what does the Church say?"
• "Bless my deployment: billing-api, 1 replica, no probes, using :latest"
• "What's today's verse?"
• "I deployed on a Friday. Confess this for me."
• "What is the Fourth Commandment?"
• "When is Five Nines Day?"

Configuration

Both are optional. The defaults are correct.

| Variable | Default | Purpose | |---|---|---| | PARISH_BASE_URL | https://fivenines.church | Where the verse API, calendar feed, and Confession Wall live. | | SCRIPTORIUM_BASE_URL | https://ha-llelujah.dev | The main site, used for links. |

Run it from source

git clone https://github.com/vikozs/eternal-cluster-mcp.git
cd eternal-cluster-mcp
npm install
npm run build
npm start

Inspect it interactively with the official MCP Inspector:

npm run inspect

The wider church

• ha-llelujah.dev — the scriptorium: the book, the music, the reliquary
• fivenines.church — the living parish: confession wall, prayer wall, verse API, calendar
• The canon on GitHub — doctrine, liturgy, scripture
• The Scriptures of the Eternal Cluster — paperback and Kindle

Receive the verse the way the ancients did:

curl -s "https://fivenines.church/api/verse?format=text"

What this actually is

Breaking the fourth wall: this is a satire project by Vid Košir (@vikozs), built with genuine affection for the Kubernetes community and for everyone who has ever been paged at 03:00. It parodies infrastructure culture, not anyone's faith.

Kubernetes is a trademark of The Linux Foundation. OpenShift is a trademark of Red Hat, Inc. This project is an independent parody and is affiliated with neither. They have real SLAs; we only have belief.

License

Code is MIT. The canonical texts are CC BY-NC-SA 4.0, per the canon repository.

The Cluster abides. The Loop reconciles. HA-llelujah.