💩 Pooptastic™ 💩

“The number one package for your number two problems.”

“npm install pooptastic and suddenly my life had purpose. And skidmarks.” — Sir Dumpsalot, CTO of BrownCloud Inc.

🧻 What in the actual flush is this?

Pooptastic™ is the most majestic, absurd, and pointlessly brilliant JavaScript package to ever grace the bowl of software development.

It does:

• Nothing productive ✅
• Everything childish ✅
• Unmatched commitment to crap ✅✅✅

Use it in your production app. Or don’t. Use it in your bathroom. Definitely.

🚽 Installation

npm install pooptastic

It installs faster than bad sushi goes through your intestines.

💩 Features So Good They’re Criminally Constipated

| Feature | Description | | -------------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------- | | isPoop() | Returns true if input is poop. False if you're lying to yourself. | | flushPoop() | Removes all evidence. Emotionally satisfying. May cause splashback. | | ratePoop() | Poop reviews by our AI turd critic. Michelin Star not included. | | generatePoopName() | Instantly rebrands you as “Baron Von Buttcheeks” or “Sir Plops-a-Lot.” | | getPoopFortune() | Like a fortune cookie, but stinkier and far more honest. | | poopChain() | A blockchain made entirely of 💩. Completely unverified. | | dumpHeap() | Deletes your hopes and dreams. And some code. | | lintWipe() | Lints code with moist towelette precision. | | autoGrunt() | Adds ambient grunting for full immersion. | | fiberBoost() | Makes loops more regular. And poopier. |

🧪 Sample Dump

const poop = require('pooptastic');

console.log(poop.isPoop('💩'));  
// true

console.log(poop.ratePoop());  
// "9/10 — started with flair, ended with a fart."

console.log(poop.getPoopFortune());  
// "You will soon face a deeply emotional flush."

poop.flushPoop();  
// 💨 SWOOOOOSH 💦

🎭 Alternative Use Cases

• Use as a dependency to confuse your boss
• Install on a coworker’s project during lunch
• Build an app called CRUD that’s literal
• Replace your linter with lintWipe() and watch the chaos

🪠 Poop Puns & Non-Toilet Nonsense

• Our code is cleaner than a bidet on turbo mode
• Uses zero toilet paper: we're an eco-shart package
• Runs like a dream. A wet one.
• Smells like teen spirit and refried regret
• Now with less kernel panic, more cornel panic

Bonus command:

poop.wisdomDrop();
// "Even a polished turd is still full of shit."

🦄 Non-Toilet Randomness for Maximum WTF

• poop.summonBathroomWizard() – Grants you +3 flush speed.
• poop.unlockForbiddenStall() – The one with the good lighting.
• poop.invokeToiletGod() – "You rang?"
• poop.teleportToGasStationRestroom() – Not recommended.
• poop.generatePoopNFT() – Not stored on the blockchain, stored in your shame.

👑 Poop Royalty Name Generator

Let us rename you to:

• Count Clench
• Doody Gaga
• Sploosh Daddy
• Lady GooGoo
• Rear Admiral Splash
• Peeoncé
• Sir Tinkleton von Flatulence

🔮 Fortune Turds

poop.getPoopFortune();
// “He who flushes twice doth doubt his deeds.”
//
// “Beware the fart that asks no questions.”
//
// “Your next meal shall be your undoing.”

🧼 Sanity Disclaimer

This package:

• Will not fix your bugs
• Will not improve performance
• Might make your teammates lose respect for you
• But your inner 8-year-old will cheer

🧻 Made by the Creators of FabForm.io

This idiotic masterpiece is brought to you by the same folks who built FabForm.io – a real service for collecting real form submissions… not poop.

💡 FabForm.io — Because not everything should end up in the toilet.

⚖️ License

Licensed under the BMIT (Bathroom MIT) License.

"Go forth and flush freely."

• 💩 Poop Rating: 10/10
• 🪠 Flush Tested
• 🧻 No Wipes Left Behind

Let’s squeeze every drop of ridiculous glory out of this.