🎪 terminal-toys

Useless terminal commands with maximum personality.

cowsay, fortune, sl, cmatrix — objectively useless, yet legendary. People install things that make them laugh. terminal-toys is a collection of tiny commands that do almost nothing, with style.

One install, a dozen toys.

npm install -g terminal-toys

Then:

coinflip pizza burger
oracle "should i quit?"
touchgrass
git-roast
procrastinator
scream

Run terminal-toys to see the whole menu.

The toys

| Command | What it does | |---|---| | coinflip [a b] | Flip a coin, or pick between your own options. | | decision a b | Decides for you, waits, then reads your disappointed face. The decision isn't the output — your reaction is. | | oracle "question" | Ask the mystic terminal a yes/no question. | | excuse | A scientifically valid reason not to work today. | | luck | Roll today's luck meter + a fortune. | | panic | Scream, then receive a professional diagnosis. | | scream [n] | AAAAAAAA. Optional intensity 1–12. | | procrastinator | A to-do list of everything except your actual task. | | touchgrass | Analyzes your screen time and prescribes the outdoors. | | git-roast | Reads your commit history and roasts you (run inside a repo). | | blame-me [thing] | Finds someone — or something — else to blame. | | dramaticexit | A theatrical farewell before you log off. | | feedback | Like it? Star, share, or report a bug. |

Every toy accepts --fast to skip the animations (also auto-enabled when output is piped).

Examples

$ decision pizza burger

  deciding...

  burger

  Your face looked disappointed.
  You wanted pizza.

$ excuse

  You can't work today.

  ╭──────────────────────────────────────────╮
  │ Your keyboard appears emotionally         │
  │ unavailable.                              │
  ╰──────────────────────────────────────────╯

$ touchgrass

  System analysis complete.

  You have:
   - 31.2h since your machine last rested
   - 14 shell/terminal processes alive
   - 6 git commit(s) today

  ╭──────────────────────────────────────────╮
  │   Prescription: go outside.               │
  ╰──────────────────────────────────────────╯

Why

No one needs this, that's the point.

Contributing

The best PRs here are the easy ones: add an excuse, a fortune, a roast, an oracle answer. The data lives in plain JSON under lib/data/. Add a line, open a PR. See CONTRIBUTING.md.

Zero dependencies

No runtime dependencies. Just Node ≥ 14. Fast to install, nothing to audit. Just plug and play.

License

MIT